New year resolutions

It’s New Year’s Eve, and as I removed the calendar from the wall and tore off the page marked "December 2012" it suddenly hit me.  This is the 58^th new years eve of my life!  Although as a very young child, I did not know what it meant to make a new year’s resolution, I realized I have probably been making them for nearly half a century.  Although I could not recall any that I succeeded in keeping.  This day brings a chance at a fresh start and a chance of a “do over”; but instead, I can’t help but ask myself "what have I done"?    

I’m suddenly recalling all the New Year resolutions that went unresolved.  Failed diets, changed attitudes, ambitious plans, incomplete projects…….all fell victim to procrastination and buried with resolutions of days gone by. It’s depressing to say the least.

 Still, each year I set myself up for failure as I make a new resolution.  Even as I verbalize it, I brace myself for the disappointment I know will come at the end of December; and I wonder if I might be predisposed to self- flagellation. 

 I ball up the page I’ve just torn off, toss it in the trash, then look back at the wall and there it is.  That fresh clean page of the New Year; January 2013 still uncluttered with appointment and reminders glared at me.  What can I say? Hope springs eternal.  I start to wonder what new goal I should set for myself that won’t damage my psyche too much when it doesn’t come into fruition. Fifty eight…. Who would have thought…?  Looking back on the last couple of years, "Auld Lang Syne" may very well be best if left forgotten.  But here I am again, reviewing the events of the  "Old Long Since”.  Aside from the weight gain, there’s the torn meniscus in one knee, degenerative cartilage in the other, a damaged rotator cup,  vision requiring glasses for both distance and close up and  spots on my lungs which have yet to be diagnosed even after three  surgeries.  My joints tell me each time I have to stand up that  I have not only crested the hill, but am too far down the other side to reverse my course. And who can remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep?  In fact, my memory is so bad that I don’t remember ever having one.  I'm considering changing my religion to one that believes in reincarnation so that I could resolve to take better care of myself in my next life, in the event I live past 50.

Suddenly a decision is made.  I know I can’t stick to a diet, and I have no desire for orthopedic surgery. I have become accustomed to three hours of sleep, and who am I kidding, I probably won’t get the cellar cleaned or the yard landscaped.  With my luck I'll come back as a turtle in my next life, so I don't have much of a choice.  I’ve decided this year’s New Year resolution is try to keep myself in an arrested state of decay.    

Looking on the bright side, with my memory, by end of 2013, I won’t recall enough to make the comparison if I am better or worse than I am now!  I hung the new calendar feeling confident success is finally in sight!